“Some people will settle for lust or surface love because the kind of love you give is too deep and real. Some people are broken inside so they only know how to accept brokenness. Your love is too full for them. It’s too much for them”- DeLisa Treshelle
“I’m tired of feeling like I’m not enough for someone to sacrifice their own wants and needs for me. I deserve someone to put their pride to the side and move the Earth for me. I’m tired of pouring out all my love just for it to come off as “too much”. My heart is huge. I’m not minimizing who I am anymore. I know how to see that someone isn’t ready. And I feel everything. I know everything.”
I wrote that in my notes on May 25, 2019. At the time I was experiencing so many different emotions and as always I took to my pen. I forwarded the note to a friend of mine and didn’t give her any further explanation. Without even knowing the entire story, her response was “You are enough”.
That simple reply resonated so much within my soul. It took me back to all those times I woke up in the middle of the night praying and screaming for God to take the pain away from me. I was broken after a long term relationship ended. I had no idea how to love myself and before my breaking point, I accepted less than I deserved. After months of prayer and recovery, I finally took God’s word and realized that I was enough. I was enough for true love and enough for someone to put me first.
When something hit the fan and I felt “not enough”, at that moment I wanted to get my feelings out. Unlike in the past, I didn’t dwell on it for days or continuously beat myself up over what I thought I did wrong.
I decided to do myself the same way I do my friends. I give them the best advice and make them realize their worth. I also make them try to understand the situation.
The conclusion I came to was that my love is pure and can only be accepted by someone ready and willing to receive it. There is nothing wrong with me and I should never minimize myself or my feelings for the sake of someone else.
Everyone is dealing with emotions and sometimes their actions may come across harmful. Their intentions may not be to hurt you. They could be dealing with their own pain. They may not know how to be loved properly.
Some people are more apt to accept lust or broken love because it is easier for them to not get hurt. At least that is what they believe. It takes courage to let someone completely in. It takes you breaking down walls and releasing all pride. It also requires a true leap of faith and stepping outside of fear. Accepting real love is not as easy as it may seem. Not when you have a past that is full of being hurt, lied to, mistreated, and devalued.
I had to take a step back and realize that timing is everything. I couldn’t force my love on someone else just because I was ready. They have to be ready too. Don’t do anything unless it is reciprocated. This doesn’t mean you should turn into someone mean or unloving. It just means to recognize when it’s time to take a step back. If the person really wants you they will come around. And you won’t have to lower yourself just for them to do that.
They will see your heart for what it is. They will realize your intentions and let you in; if it’s what they really want. You shouldn’t have to force love. It should flow. Even the bad times won’t last long. Understand the position you are in. Reflect and then figure out how to move forward.