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DeLisa Treshelle

Let all that you do be done in love- 1 Corinthians 16:14

Tag: words

I can’t see me

In the sea of people I recognized every face, but when I looked in the mirror I didn’t recognize my … More

blind, depression, face, life, own, pain, people, self, tired, words

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I wonder where I’d be if God didn’t come and rescue me 🌹

Beach Days 🏖🌊

I have one more year before I finish my current degree in “Ministry & Theology” from Loyola University New Orleans I’m so excited to see what my future holds. Ready for God to use me in whatever way he sees fit 💫

I’ll be 30 years old next Month. My earliest memory of my biological Father is me being told he was incarcerated. Since I was a kid he’s been in and out of jail. My childhood was spent wanting his love and presence half of the time. The other half I built this “don’t care attitude” because I let my hopes get up a few times when he was released but he went right back. Our relationship has always been strained. I’ve always been told he loves me and wishes he could’ve done right by me. These words never meant much. Because he wasn’t there when I thought I needed him. When I was dealing with not feeling good or pretty enough didn’t have a Father. When I was struggling to find my place with men I didn’t have a Father. When I decided to lose my virginity I didn’t have a Father to lead me in the right direction. I had a Dad though. One that took me in like I was his own and loved me unconditionally. This truth pushed me further and further away from ever caring about getting to know my real Father. Over the years I’ve received letters and drawings from him. He always says he loves me. We’ve met up a few times when he was out and spoken over the phone but I always had a wall built up. When I got older it became worse. I felt like since he wasn’t there all my life I definitely don’t need him now that I’m almost 30. I had someone tease me a few years ago about having “Daddy Issues”. I pushed the thought away. I figured that I had the Dad I wanted and that my real Father didn’t even matter to me. But that was a lie. I’ve spent years trying to find the kind of love I see on tv between girls and their Dad. I fantasized about Father/Daughter dances, being held after a heartbreak, or just sharing silly stories. I tried to make men love me the way I knew my Father should’ve. I’ve never written a letter back to my Dad until today. All of these years I refused to truly establish anything with him. My relationship with God has given me the strength to do so. I can no longer run away and pretend as if having my real Father in my life means nothing to me. Half of my talent is from him. I have his eyes and apparently some of his ways.

Continued. I’m sharing my story because I know someone else has dealt with the same thing. I searched for the love I didn’t get from my Father but honestly it was self love I was missing. It was the love from God. Gods love showed me that I can forgive my Father and that it isn’t too late to start over. Gods love has shown me what it means to value myself before anyone else is obligated to. I had to learn that forgiving my Father is the key to my future. Forgiving others is for you. It doesn’t matter what they did or didn’t do. I’m hoping that by swallowing my pride someone else will too.

💫 Follow your Heart 💫🌺🥀👩🏽‍🎨

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